Finding out what attracts you is an aspect of dating advice not talked about enough. So much of men’s dating advice is on how to get nines and tens. Much of women’s dating advice is on how to get a wealthy man or a man that wants to commit. I think the real problem is that people are not sure of what they want before they start to look.
First, a person needs to know what physically attracts them. Make a list of the ten people that attract you the most. Is this list of ten people all celebrities or people that look like celebrities? If the answer is yes, you may need to evaluate what attracts you and not what gives you the most status in society. A person must separate what they like and what everyone else likes.
The most popular method to separate these things is no fapping. No fapping is the removal of masturbation, pornography, fictional books, and fictional television. A person needs a firm grounding in reality and the ability to work processes long enough to get the desired result. Individuals evaluate the ways that receive passive or immediate gratification. Once a person reduces their need for immediate or passive gratification, realistic evaluations of a person’s life can begin.
Not masturbating will allow a person to cultivate their sexual energy. The sexual energy will become more pronounced, and you will become able to observe this energy throughout your day. Meditating with the energy will also focus your ability to perceive the energy. As a person goes through their day they can determine what gets them going. They then see what turns them on and they will discover a broad range of personalities and body types will get them aroused. Individuals then can hone in on what they like.
Not watching porn is also key. Pornography exaggerates sexual situations to make a person hyper-aroused. Many people watch pornographic scenes of acts they would never be comfortable with in real life. The exaggerated sex distorts a person’s perception of what type of sex they want. Not knowing the kind of sex you want will cause immense suffering in a relationship.
Pornography also distorts the perception we have of our bodies. In porn, all the men and women have incredible physiques and insane lasting ability. Many people do not realize porn is edited to make it look like the people have sex for one hour. In reality, there are women off stage to keep the men aroused. Pornography is a production of fantasy and removes people from reality.
It is important not to become dogmatic about not masturbating and not watching porn. Masturbation is a natural phenomenon done by everyone. Pornography is deeply ingrained in our society at this point. If you fall off the wagon, gently pick yourself up and start again. If a complex is formed around not masturbating a person will feel that they are a failure if they slip up. They will take the failure energy out into the world and project this when meeting new people.
The last thing a person should remove is fictional books and television. This issue with fictional programming is that it distorts a person’s perception of a relationship. One story line that goes on often is a bumbling idiot guy begging a gorgeous woman to go out with him for months, and she eventually says yes. The bumbling idiot scenario never happens in real life. High-quality women want high-quality men. Another is a woman staying with a man that is not treating her right, and she turns him around, and they get happily married. The “turn-a-man-around” scenario never actually happens either. How a person treats you, in the beginning, is how a person will treat you the entire relationship. Movies and TV just get unrealistic scenarios and ideas going in people’s heads. Concentrating on real life allows a person to see life as it is. A person will respond to the actual stimulus in front of him or her instead of some silly idea.
Once people have cleansed themselves of the silly ideas, they can write down the ideal relationship. Many people get caught up in the fact they are not having sex, and they should be having sex, or they are not married, and they should be married. It is better to understand what type of relationship do you want. Do you believe casual sex is wrong? Do you want to be married? Are you ok with polygamy? Would you be ok if your partner slept with other people? Honestly, answer these questions. Then you go for the type of relationship you want in the time that you want.
If a person does not do this, he will go after society’s nine’s and ten’s. They will be rejected and lower his standards. Then when they are rejected by six’s and seven’s they will feel that they do not have value. A shame spiral will begin, and more suffering will ensue. If a person goes after people they are attracted to then they will have an easier time building a relationship. They will see the other person as high value, and it will come across in the interaction. The mutual feeling of high-value will lead to more success and the building of self-esteem.